The big question isn’t in or out of Europe…


A letter a day to number 10. No 1,433

Saturday 14 May 2016.

Dear Mr Cameron,

Every time I hear something like, ‘Labour’s great recession after 2008’ my head does a little blurred jump, like a glitch in the matrix whilst someone is trying to rewrite the code live.

It makes me want to do a slow motion sideways leap to avoid the bullet that’s been fired at my poor labouring, ageing, grey matter whilst simultaneously jabbing my walking stick into the crutch of the pea brained shooter, hoping for irrecoverable testicular damage.

Patrick McLoughlin, the transport secretary, is, naturally, deeply concerned that we do not grasp the ‘potential economic impact of Brexit’. You can almost see his lips trembling as he warns, “Farming and the car industry could disappear from Britain like coal mining in the 1980s because of the financial shock of leaving the EU.” I have yet to recover from the tragedy of the EU closing down our mining industry, it still gives me nightmares.

And, oh, the fallow fields of England that those Brexit bastards would inflict upon us! Crops rotting in the fields with no market, 64.1 million Britons will weep into their thin gruel of boiled shoe and mildew, scraped from the walls of their cardboard hovels.

I was in my local supermarket last week and the guy on the till said to me, ‘You’re a political bloke, aren’t you?’ ‘Yes, I dabble a bit,’ I responded. ‘What’s your view on Europe and the referendum?’ he asked. ‘Well,’ said I, ‘The first thing to understand is that whichever way it goes, we will survive.’ He gave me a long look. Was I being funny or was I making a hard political statement? The next customer was waiting so I didn’t get the chance to enlarge on that.

The big question isn’t in or out of Europe, it is whether we can survive a Tory government? The miners know the answer to that one. What is happening to our NHS, our schools, our social security system, our tanking economy, our front line services, our care services, our housing, our liberty and freedom, our human rights, our way of life, isn’t about our membership of the European Union, it is about whether we can survive the enemy within. Thatcher said ‘there is no such thing as society’ and you are doing your best to finish the job. But whatever happens, as with McLoughlin and his Labour comment, it’ll all be Corbyn’s fault as the BBC will reliably report it, in it’s modern newspeak unbiased way, independent of all political interference, naturally.

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