A letter a day to number 10. No 1,494
Friday 15 July 2016.
Dear Mrs May,
Your cabinet… It’s almost too unbearably funny in a totally mad way. A line up of millionaires all for little ol’ working class us. How sweet.
Cuddly Mr Hammond, dappy Lizzie for justice, Amber the banker vulture capitalist, nuke ’em Fallon, Foxy for international trade and arms deals. Priceless. We’re stuck with Hunt I see, still Britain’s most infamous typographical error. But the icing on the cake really is BoJo the friend of ‘piccaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’ Johnson as foreign secretary. Genius, just genius. He’s sure to make Brexit a laugh a minute, that’s if he doesn’t manage to single handedly kick off WWIII.
I note you’ve dismissed holding a general election given the majority gained a year ago. Is that despite the ongoing investigations into Tory election fraud or are you just hoping to bury that for good?
I don’t want to give you too much of a hard time before you get your feet firmly under the table at number 10, but let’s be honest, there’s no such thing as a cuddly Tory, so whatever you’ve promised prior to your coronation must be taken with a pinch of salt. Let’s not forget that David Cameron pledged to cut the deficit and not the NHS and our NHS now in ribbons and the man responsible for cutting it to ribbons has been kept on as health secretary under your leadership. I’m not sure whether to call it cynicism or realism, but declaring yourself a friend of the working class requires a stretch in credulity which unfortunately I am unable to manage.
The Parliamentary Labour Party are now facing the same problem, they want to pretend they are the real Labour deal, despite doing everything to stab the democratically elected leader of the party in the back repeatedly. They are accused of being Tory lite, but even the betrayal of Margaret Thatcher pales into insignificance compared with what Jeremy Corbyn has been forced to endure. I’m sure you’ve followed it avidly as they might just as well have rolled out the red carpet for you. But I do appreciate the problem he represents, honest politics is so Aneurin Bevan, Dennis Skinner and Tony Benn. Their appeal is horribly working class.
Who’d want to be working class anyway? We’re all knuckle dragging, bigoted, racists. It’s almost worse than being disabled and taking up wheel chair space. Yeesh…